I have always been a pacifist . . . even before I knew what the word meant. I am a pacifist to the point that I cannot even play laser tag - - my girlchild loves laser tag. She and her other parental units have spent many happy hours shooting at each other and the other players. I tried. I honestly tried. I just could.not.do.it. It surprised even me. Even pretending to hurt another person is contrary to my nature.
When Renfrew and I separated one of the revelations for me was that my WORDS hurt him. I did not realize what I was saying hurt. The statements, as I recall, were innocuous. But it was what HE heard in those statements that hurt him. It has taken a lot of self reflection, but I can see how he 'heard' what I was saying. It makes me more careful with not just what I say, but how I say it. We hurt each other . . . as couples who lose their way will do. Part of my promise to myself was to make our divorce a peaceful place. I hope I am able to succeed.