Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Oh NO...they changed Facebook...

NOTE:  I actually wrote this a couple years ago - - one of the other times they changed Facebook, but it is suddenly relevant again.

Ah, THEY have changed Facebook again.

Predictably there are complaints, petitions, and vows to stop using it due to the aforementioned changes. The comments pour in:

"The new format sucks"
"They didn't warn us"
"I want the OLD Facebook back"
If a 1,000,000 people join, they will change back.
"I don't understand this."
"I can't find [insert random name of application here]????"

As I was reviewing all these comments -- which seem to appear everytime Facebook changes anything -- something occurred to me: FACEBOOK IS A METAPHOR FOR LIFE!!

In the past 2 years -- almost exactly 2 years -- my life has had several unscheduled, unsolicited makeovers. Yup, I got hit upside my  reality by fate, chance and, believe it or not, CHOICE.

Now the changes brought on by fate and chance -- well, I have to admit I did NOT like. Initially, I screamed, I yelled, I threw things (both imaginary and real) and cursed the Universe for visiting them on me like some outside programmer deciding that what I NEEDED was not what I had.

The new format of my life SUCKED.
I wanted the old life back.
I did NOT ask for these changes.

YUP, I was NOT happy with the person who organized and created my universe.

Somehow as the changes kept coming fast and unexpectedly, I decided I could either complain and bemoan them OR I could change my attitude. I sure had NO power over the Divine Programmer of the Universe -- He was not asking my opinion and clearly for some reason HE was bent on getting my attention.

Well, HE GOT IT. Somewhere around 18 months into the cataclysm that was my life, I LET GO. I decided to stop fighting the CHANGE -- I realized CHANGE IS INEVITABLE. Change is the only way to GROW. Even BAD change lets me grow. WOW -- in fact, the biggest and most positive changes I have made came from what, objectively, looked like a BAD change in my world.

Think for a minute -- from the day we tumble into this World as ittty bitty little bundles of cute, we are changing. At first the changes are pretty basic -- our diapers, our stretchies, our formula. They start getting more complicated the more time we spend on this planet. Some, we get input into. Some, well, they just HAPPEN.

When my Mom died -- unexpectedly on the heels of the end of my marriage, I sure did NOT have any input into that little scenario. In fact, in the scheme of things it was the WORST possible timing for two of the biggest piles of change that hit most of us. I was angry. I was shocked. I was pretty much a mess. I went into autopilot and did what I do best -- I took charge and COPED. I managed the funeral, wrote the obituary and Mom's eulogy. My siblings and I spent hours on end sorting and cleaning out Mom's apartment -- where she had been living for YEARS. I did what was needed to care for my child - and frequently thanked the Powers the Are that my co-parent, while having resigned as spouse, continued to be the Parent he needed to be.

As I got further into the change process, I started looking for HELP. I found and read books --> When Things Fall Apart (Pema Chodron), Year of Magical Thinking (Joan Didion), Welcome to your Crisis (Laura Day), Finding your own North Star (Martha Beck) and the book I now recommend to anyone who has had life change the rules mid-game, Broken Open by Elizabeth Lesser. I was a veritable student of how to handle change. My 'team' expanded as I returned to the psychologist who helped me contemplate the end of marriage and my doctor who 'managed' my medications. My posse of girlfriends kept me afloat (and I thank them from the centre of my Soul).

About 3 months ago, something occurred to me. I was HAPPY. Truly HAPPY in a way I have not been in longer than I care to remember. I have given up needing to control things. I have FORGIVEN, deeply and completely, both my 'humanness' and the humanness of everyone in my world. It was not until I got to the FORGIVING part that absolutely everything else fell into place. Now I work daily to make my focus in life doing 'My Father's' work -- loving unconditionally and forgiving everyone for EVERYTHING.

So, now as a new series of 'changes' sweep across Facebook, might I suggest everyone just take a deep breath and RELAX. Adapt, adjust and move on -- it's NOT the end of the world - not by a long stretch just another change you can approach as a way to 'stretch' those change muscles. I am pretty sure the seismic changes I got handed were there BECAUSE I had become too resistant to change. I felt I didn't need to keep learning and re-learning to adapt to changes. I had it ALL figured out. . . now I just accept what is TRUE --> none of us have it figured out. Because if we did, we would not need to be here, in this life, on this earth! 

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